Now I Have Proof
NOW I HAVE proof of this observation i posted HERE. Guys, beware, you might see yourself in this page one of these days if you wont stop this stupidity. and girls, do you want your boyfriends to look like this?
Magnetic
According to our elementary science books, there is a magnet in a shape of a horseshoe. But of course, none of us has seen a magnet shaped like that. It’s like Big Foot or the Loch Ness Monster, there are pictures of them but we don’t know anyone who has actually seen it for real. The horseshoe magnet is the Keyzer Soze of our childhood. Up until now, I haven’t seen a horseshoe magnet. Back then, there were two things boys wanted so much to see; a horseshoe magnet and a girl’s vagina. I have seen one, now all I have to seek is the horseshoe magnet.
I Don’t Quite Understand Girls
I DON'T UNDERSTAND their fascination with handbags. They own A LOT and one would think they would have been organized in regards to their purses, wallets and the gazillion kikay things they have inside those bags. But NOOOOOOO!
Have you noticed the way girls rummage inside their handbags looking for a particular thing they need? They’re like looking for the proverbial needle in a haystack inside that tiny, designer handbag. Ah, hello? You’re only looking for your lip-gloss, not the Holy Grail. After Haley’s comet came and leave, they will AT LAST find the lip gloss, use it and replace it back inside and shempre, when they need to use the lip gloss again, it’s another frantic search inside the “black hole” bag. For a guy, it gets frustrating watching his girl do this every fucking time.
I was watching the home TV shopping channel and lo and behold! There it was! A simple solution to this nightmare. It looks like Batman’s utility belt. You put your things in pockets / pouches attached to the “belt”. Then you simply place the “belt” inside your bag, around the inner side. Even if you toss around your handbag, your keys, purses, cell phones, kikay things will stay in place. What if you want to get something inside your bag but you’re inside the movie house and it’s dark? Don’t fret my sweet lady Jane, the “belt” has a built in flashlight. Ingenious isn’t it?
I’ll bet my mojo it was a guy who invented this.
Shopping. Allocate a half day of your life if you will accompany your girl to go shopping, especially if you’re out to buy clothes or shoes. Girls just don’t know what they want. A guy would think girls know what they want because it seems clothes and shoes are all they think about (say you’re watching a movie, the first thing a girl notices is not the twist and plot of the story but the cute outfit the lead actress is wearing. Kahit yung extra ata napapansin pa din). After racks and racks of different clothing merchandises, after you thought you’re heading for the cashier, she will say things like no, the cut is not right, the color doesn’t accentuate her complexion, baka may SALE sa kabilang boutique and the catch 22 question “do I look fat in this?”
Girl asks : Do I look fat in this?
Guy answers : What a lovely weather we are having today. I hope the weather…
Guys don’t have this indecisiveness problem. We know what we want; we know where to get it. Guys can make the clothes look good on them even if the cut is not right or the color doesn’t accentuate their complexion. Girls can’t do this. Pity, pity. A guy can make a simple white piece of cloth look good on him. Just look at Julius Caesar and Jesus. A girl can only make that piece of cloth look good on her is if she takes it off hwek-hek-hek…
Anyway, back to the mall. When the gods of shopping malls finally bless the girl and let her see what she wants, it’s off to the cashier. After a long line and it’s her turn to pay, that will only be the time she will look for her wallet inside her handbag.
Well, you know the next scene.
Ang Pagdadalaga ni Darna
(Chapter 1 HERE)
(Chapter 2 HERE)
Chapter 3
“Si Efren ang kasama ko ngayon, si Efren ang kasama ko ngayon…” paulit-ulit na sinasabi ni Darna sa sarili, pilit na inaalis sa isipan na isang halimaw ang nasa harapan niya.
Sarap na sarap naman si Malorko sa pagdila sa mamula-mulang lamang nasa harapan niya. Ang lambot ng medyo nakausling laman sa puke ni Darna, iyon ang dinidilaan niya ngayon, pataas, halos dulo lang ang dumidila. Hinawi pa niyang mabuti ang suot ni Darna para mas makita niya ang magkabilang pisngi ng puke nito, pati na rin ang maninipis at malalambot na bulbol.
“Uhhhmmmmmm…” di napigilan ng dalaga ang ungol, sa isip niya ay dila ni Efren ang nagpapaikot-ikot sa kanyang hiyas.
“Nasasarapan ka na Darna bwahahahaha… Wala pang babaeng di nasarapan sa aking romansa” pagmamayabang ni Malorko, “maski na ang kaibigan mong si Valentina, sunod-sunod ang kanyang mga pag-ungol habang kinakantot ko siya. Ganyan din ang mangyayari sa iyo mamaya Darna…”
“Unggghhhh… o-oo… n-nasasa— nasasarapan na nga ako… uhhhh…”
“Dila pa lang iyan” sabi ng halimaw habang pilit na ibinubuka ang mga pisngi ng puke ng dalaga gamit ang kanyang dilang mala-ahas, “mas masasarapan ka kung ang tarugo ko na ang gagamitin ko!”
“Uhhhhh… patingin… gusto kong… gusto ko siyang makita…” nagmamakaawang sabi ni Darna, na di pa rin makaalis sa pagkakadipa niya.
Tumigil sa kanyang ginagawa ang halimaw nang marinig ang mga sinabi ng dalaga. Siya na mismo ang nagmamakaawang makita ang kanyang tite. Malibog ngang talaga si Darna, tama ang sabi ni Valentina.
“Ipapakita ko sa iyo ang kargada kong kakantot sa iyo” sabi ni Malorko, humakbang ng isa palayo para mas makita ng nakadipang dalaga ang kanyang tite.
“Heto na!”
Napatingin si Darna sa ibaba ng halimaw. Wala naman siyang nakitang kahit na anong anyong tite sa baba nito ngunit mayamaya lang ay may parang kung anong tumutubo sa pagitan ng mga hita ng halimaw na malibog.
Tumutubo ang tite nito, palaki ng palaki at pahaba ng pahaba!
Halos isang ruler ang haba nito at ang taba. Hinawakan pa ito ng halimaw at parang pinagmamalaking pinakita sa babaeng nasa harapan. Humakbang muli ito palapit at akmang idinikit ang ulo ng naninigas nitong tite sa may hiwa ng puke ng dalaga. Naramdaman naman ito ni Darna, ikinikiskis ng halimaw ang ulo ng tite nito sa pisngi ng kanyang puke.
“Masasarapan ka sa kantot ko ngayon Darna” sabi ni Malorko na hinawakan ng dalawang kamay ang binti ng dalaga.
Binuhat iyon at ibinuka sa kanyang harapan. Ang pangatlong kamay niyo ay nakahawak sa suso ng dalaga, nilalamas iyon at nilalaro ang utong samantalang ang pang-apat na kamay ay nakahawak sa kanyang tite, itinututok iyon sa matambok na lamang nasa harapan niya.
Bumuka ng bahagya ang magkabilang pisngi ng puke ni Darna, bumabaon na ang ulo ng tite ng halimaw.
“T-teka… huwag mo munang… huwag mo munang ipasok” sabi ni Darna na malalalim ang mga paghinga, “pwede bang ano…”
“Anong gusto mo Darna?” tanong ng halimaw.
“Ummmnnn… baka pwedeng mahawakan ko muna… gusto kong… gusto ko sanang halikan yan…”
“Isusubo mo ang tarugo ko?”
Tumango lamang ang dalaga, nakakakagat-labing tinitingnan ng mapungay ang halimaw.
“Kakaiba ka talaga Darna. May tinatago ka palang libog bwahahahaha”
Pagkasabing iyon ng halimaw ay biglang nawala ang pwersang kumakapit sa dalaga. Nakakilos na siya at nakatayo sa harap ng halimaw. Inalis niya ang nasa buhok niya, inihagis iyon sa tabi ng kanyang kasuotang nagtataklob kanina sa kanyang dalawang suso.
Nanginginig pa ang mga kamay na hinawakan ni Darna ang nakatutok sa kanyang malaking tite ng halimaw. Mainit-init iyon sa kanyang mga palad, halos di mag-abot ang dulo ng kanyang mga daliring nakahawak dito.
“Uhhhhhhmmmmmmm…” napaungol si Malorko nang salsalin ng bahagya ni Darna ang tite nito.
“Talaga bang masasarapan ako sa gagawin mo sa akin mamaya?” tanong pa ni Darna na unti-unting lumuluhod sa harap ni Malorko.
“Sinisiguro ko sa iyong hahanap-hanapin mo iyon, Darna.”
Dalawang kamay ng sinasalsal ng dalaga ang mahabang titeng hawak niya, ilang pulgada lamang ang layo ng ulo nito sa kanyang labi.
“Valentina! Anong ibig sabihin nito?” sigaw ni Efren, nagulat nang malamang nakagapos ang kanyang mga kamay at paa sa bawat kanto ng kama, “pakawalan mo ako!”
“Sigurado ka bang gusto mo talagang pakawalan kita?” nakangiting tanong ni Valentina, papalapit sa nakahigang binata.
Nagpalit ng anyo si Valentina, hindi na nag-anyong ahas. Umakyat ito sa ibabaw ng kama, nasa ibaba niya, sa pagitan ng kanyang mga hita, ang nakatingalang si Efren. Nakamaiksing palda ang dalaga, hanggang sa kalahati ng hita nito kaya alam nitong kita ni Efren ang kanyang suot na panty kung nanaisin nitong tingnan.
Maganda naman si Velentina, seksi ang katawan kung hindi nga lang masama ang ugali nito, naisip ni Efren habang litong-lito siya kung ano ang binabalak ng babae.
“Hindi ka ba nagagandahan sa akin Efren? Hindi ka ba nase-seksihan sa katawan ko? Gusto mo bang matikman ang katawan ko Efren?” tanong ni Valentina, parang nababasa ang nasa isip ni Efren ngayon.
Unti-unting umuupo si Valentina, nakabukaka ang mga nita habang pababa ito. Kahit ayaw ni Efren ay hindi niya mapigil ang sarili na huwag sumulyap sa panty ni Valentina. Kung hindi kayang pigilan ng kanyang mata, mas lalo niyang di mapigilan ang nagwawalang ari sa loob ng kanyang pantalon.
“Bakit di ka makasagot Efren? Ayaw mo ba sa akin?” nang-aakit na tanong ulit ni Valentina, nakatingin ng makahulugan sa binata.
Naglapat ang mga ari ng dalawa nang umupo na ang dalaga sa ibabaw ni Efren. Kahit kapwa sila may mga suot pa, dama nilang pareho ang ari ng bawat isa. Dama ni Valentina ang paninigas ng tite ng binata na labis naman niyang kinatuwa. Lalo namang nagalit ang nasa loob ng pantalon ng lalaki nang maramdaman ang matambok na puke ni Valentina.
“Oooohhhh… akala ko ba gusto mong pakawalan kita?” parang nagungutya pang sabi ng dalaga, “eh bakit ang tigas nito?”
Ginigiling pa ni Valentina ang balingkinitan niyang balakang sa ibabaw ng tite ni Efren. Umuungol pa ito na akala mo ay nakapasok na talaga ang tite ng lalaki sa kanyang puke. Pumupungay pa ang mga mata nito habang nakatitig sa lalaki.
“Uhhhhhhmmmmnnnn… bakit di ka na ata makapagsalita Efren? Gusto mong umungol no?”
Hindi nga makapagsalita ang binata dahil wala na siyang tiwala sa sarili. Ayaw niya ng ginagawa ni Valentina ngunit iba naman ang sinasabi ng kanyang katawan, iba ang nais nito, iba ang gusto.
Ayaw niyang ibuka ang kanyang mga bibig dahil wala siyang tiwala sa sariling bibig. Baka may sabihin ito na hindi niya gustong sabihin.
“Basang-basa na ang ano ko Efren…. Uhhmmmnnn… basang-basa na ako…”
Tumingin sa iba si Efren, ayaw niyang tingnan si Valentina, baka lalo lang siyang maakit dito.
“Tingnan mo pa Efren… Tingnan mo o. basa na siya…”
-------======… itutuloy …======-------
I Am Back
Magha-hibernate lang ako for a few days.
An Open Letter…
Para Sa Aking Mga Kababayan
Mga kababayan ko,
Sa susunod na taon ay ang pang-100 taon na ng pagkakatatag ng ating hamak na bayan. Kung tama ang pagkakaalam ko, itinatag ito ng isang Pranses na si Paul dela Geroniere nuong 1907. At natatandaan ko pa dati na sinasabing dito sa bayan natin nahuli ang pinakamalaking buwaya sa buong mundo ngunit ito ay napalitan na kamakailan sa Guinnes Book. Ngayon ata ay sa Malakanyang na matatagpuan ang biggest buwaya nyeknyeknyek…
Eniwey, hindi ito ang dahilan kaya ako sumulat sa inyo. Ito ay tungkol sa isang mas mahalagang bagay, tungkol ito sa akin (nyak!) Matagal ko na kasing naririnig mula sa inyo na sinasabi niyong suplado ako, hindi nakakakilala, hindi marunong makipagkapwa dahil hindi nambabati o nakikisama. Hindi daw ako lumalabas man lang ng bahay namin.
Isa lang ang masasabi ko dito… DUH!
Ganito kasi iyon. Nuong nasa elementarya pa ako, madami naman akong mga kalaro. Oo, gala ako nun, kung saan-saan kami nakakarating ng mga barkada ko Tinawag pa namin ang aming barkadahan nuon na Anarque na kinalaunan ay nalaman kong mali pala ang spelling, na dapat pala ay Anarchy. Nakakarating kami sa Dunggot sa childhood gf-kuno ko nuon, sa bundok, sa pantalan. Pero karaniwan din ay sa looban kami ng bakuran namin naglalaro. Malawak kasi iyon, mas madaming lugar para pagtaguan kapag naglalaro ng barilan, taguan at habulan. Oo, kasama na ang bahay-bahayan (pero hindi ang Wag-Wag).
Kaso, sa ibang bayan na ako nag-aral pagdating ng high school. Bulok kasi ang St. Michael Parochial School hwaheehee… o wag ng pumalag, totoo naman. Dahilan ito para malayo ako sa Anarque. Madaling araw ako pumapasok at gabi na halos nakakauwi. Pagdating ng Sabado at Linggo, hindi na ako nakakasama sa mga kaibigan ko hanggang sa unti-unti na akong napalayo sa kanila dahil mayroon na rin silang mga sariling kaibigan at interest.
Lalo naman nung nagkolehiyo, na sa Maynila na ako halos nakatira at bihira ng nakauwi sa ating bayan. Kung umuuwi man ako, ang mga kalaro ko ng basketball sa half-court sa bakuran namin ay ang mga taong sa tapat ng bahay namin, ang mga taong hindi nyo binabarkada dahil mga dugyot sila at mababaho. Oo, sila mga kalaro ko. Sila Odok, sila Ime o ang mga collectively-known as Mga Tibaks. Naranasan nyo na bang makipag-basketball sa kanila at makipagpalitan ng pawis? Natatandaan ko pa, pag-drive to the basket ko nuon, sumuot ang braso ko sa kilikili ni Odok at pakiramdam ko ay may mga maliliit na kung anong kumikilos sa pawisan kong braso. Pero hindi ako naghugas agad, okay lang yun. O kaya naman ay kakausapin ka nila na halatang di nagtu-tutbrash. Pero okay lang yun. Ito matindi, bago maglaro ay iihi si Odok sa tabi at mismong pagkatapos niya ay lalapitan ka with matching hawak sa braso mo sabay kwento “pare, pare pare…” Gusto ko mang sabihing “get away from meeeeeee…” pero okay lang yun dahil nakikisama ako sa kanila. Nasubukan nyo na ba yun? Hindi pa.
Ito ang mga dahilan kaya hindi niyo ako nakikita ngayong lumalabas ng bahay dahil hindi ko ito nakagawian. Kung umuuwi ako ng bayan natin ngayon, mas nanainisin ko na lang magpahinga sa bahay. Pasensya na lang kung hindi ako tumatambay sa kanto para makipagkwentuhan dahil hindi ko talaga ito trip sapol pa.
Hindi daw ako nambabati. Ngunit sino ang babatiin ko kapag naglalakad ako sa bayan? Lahat ng mga kakilala ko at nakakakilala sa akin? Mahirap ata yun. Unang-una, halos lahat ng taga-bayan ay nakakakilala sa akin. Babatiin ko ba kayong lahat? Nakakahilo ata yun. Isipin nyo lang kung gaano kayo kadami sa isang kalsada pa lang. Tingin sa kanan, tatanguan ang makikita, tingin sa kaliwa, tatango, sa kanan ulit, tas meron pa sa kaliwa. Nakakahilo iyon. Nasubukan ko na iyon nuong nagdaang eleksiyon. Lahat daw kasi dapat binabati ko at ginawa ko iyon. Bago pa ako makarating sa pupuntahan ko ay nahihilo na ako, siryoso. Sigurado akong di nyo pa ito nasusubukan dahil hindi nyo iniisip na kailangan nyong tanguan lahat ng inyong kakilala.
Tsaka likas na mahiyain kasi ako kaya di ako mahilig mambati. Kapag aksidenteng nagkatinginan na lang sa mata tsaka ako nambabati. Kung babatiin nyo naman ako ay di naman kayo mapapahiya. Ang sabi nyo naman ay nahihiya kayong batiin ako. Bakit naman? Pare-pareho lang naman tayong taga[name of town witheld].
Pasensya na rin lang kung di ako nakikipag-inuman dahil mahina akong uminom. Hindi nyo naman ako papaalisin agad kung sabihin kong lasing na ako pagkatapos ng tatlong ikot ng baso sa tagayan. Ang isang tagay pa naman ng beer ay isang malaking basong puno na expected nyong tunggain sa isang angatan lang. My Gahd! Eh tatlong lashing lang, bote na agad ako hic!
At huwag nyo rin akong asahang sumali sa mga liga sa basketball dahil bano ako maglaro, matangkad lang ako. Hanggang half-court lang ako, diyan, tatalunin ko pa kayo siguro.
Kaya huwag na kayo magtaka kung di ko man kayo mabati, ganun lang talaga ako “ngunit kung sakaling mapadaaan baka ikaw ay aking tawagan dahil minsan tayo ay naging tunay na… magkaibigan.”
Ang Pagdadalaga ni Darna...
Minolestiya ng Ahas
(Chapter 1 HERE)
Chapter 2
“Hmmmnnn… tama nga ang naiisip ko. Ganito nga ang kulay ng utong mo na inaakala ko kapag naiisip kita Darna. Tama nga ako…”
Pilit pa ding nagpipiglas ang dalaga ngunit sa bawat pagkilos niya ay parang lalong lumalakas ang kung anong pwersang nagkakapit sa kanya. Wala na siyang nagawa nang maramdaman niya ang dulo ng mala-ahas na dila ng halimaw na gumagapang sa paligid ng kanyang suso.
Nais maiyak ni Darna ngunit ayaw niyang makita iyon ng kanyang mga kalaban at isiping nagiging mahina siya. Kailangan niyang ipakitang malakas siya bilang si Darna. Pero sa pagkakataong iyon ay parang gusto ng sumuko ng dalaga.
“Nalalasahan ko ang sarap mo Darna…” ika ni Malorko habang gumagapang ang dila nito mula sa ibabaw ng suso ng dalaga, paikot sa gilid nito at dumaan sa ilalim na bahagi ng suso papunta sa kabila.
Kinapitan siyang mabuti ng halimaw sa balakang para pigilan ang kanyang pagpiglas. Nararamdaman na din niyang papalapit na ng papalapit ang dila ng halimaw sa isa niyang utong. Hindi napigilan ni Darna ang reaksiyon ng sariling katawan dahil unti-unting tumayo ang kanyang dalawang utong lalo na ng nagpaikot-ikot ang dulo ng dila ng halimaw sa kulay rosas niyang utong.
“Nasasarapan ka na ba Darna? Bwahahahaha… Hindi mo maikakaila sa reaksyon ng katawan mo. Hindi mo mapipigilan ang paninigas nitong mga ito.”
Pagkasabing iyon ng halimaw ay bigla nitong isinubo ang kanang utong ng dalaga. Ramdam ni Darna ang dila ni Malorko na humahagod sa naninigas niyang utong. Nilalaro ng dila nito ang kulay rosas na korona sa tuktok ng kanyang suso.
“Uhmmnnn… anong pakiramdam Darna? Masarap di ba? Nalilibugan ka na ba? Ngayon ka lang nakaranas ng ganito, di ba?”
Tama nga ang sinasabi ng halimaw, ngayon lang ito naranasan ng dalaga. Kanina pa pilit na gustong makawala ng dalaga ngunit kahit na anong gawin niya ay di niya iyon magawa. Parang lalo pa siyang nawawalan ng lakas.
Pumikit na lamang si Darna, inisip na lang niya na si Efren ang gumagawa nun sa kanya. Na dila ni Efren ang nasa utong niya. Ganito din naman ang napanaginipan niya kanina. Iniisip niya ang maamong mukha ni Efren, ang malambot nitong labi, ang magandang mata.
“Unggghhhhhh…” napaungol na si Darna, nawala na sa isip na isang halimaw ang lumalamas ngayon ng kanyang suso, ang dumidila at sumisipsip sa kanyang utong habang nakadipa siya na walang kalaban-laban.
Samantala, Dinala ni Valentina si Efren sa kwarto niya. Inihiga niya ang binata sa kanyang kama at pinagmasdan ito. Nagpalit na ng anyo si Valentina, nagpalit na sa isang dalaga na sana ay matutuhang mahalin ni Efren. Ginawa lang naman niya lahat ito uang mapunta na sa kanya ang natatanging pagtingin ng binata.
“Ngayong wala na si Darna, akin na ngayon Efren, akin ka na…” sabi ni Valentina sa sarili habang tinatali niya ang mga kamay at paa ng binata sa apat na poste ng kanyang kama.
Natutuwa si Valentina sa bagong nakilala niyang halimaw. Kung siya ay puot na puot kay Darna, si Malorko naman ay libog na libog dito. Alam niya kung ano ang gagawin ng halimaw dito, alam niya dahil ginawa din iyon ng halimaw sa kanya.
Kailangan pa niyang ibigay ang kanyang sariling katawan kay Malorko para lang mapapayag niyang labanan at patayin si Darna. Nung una ay ayaw din ni Valentina ngunit nang simulan ng dilaan ni Malorko ang suso ni Valentna ay bumiigay na din ito.
Magaling kasi si Malorko. Iyon ata ang tunay niyang kapangyarihan, ang paligayahin ang kahit na sinong babae. Nang ilabas nga nito ang kanyang ari ay nagulat si Valentina sa laki nito. Hindi niya napigilan ang sarili na hawakan ang naninigas na tite ng halimaw at kanya pang sinalsal iyon ng dahan-dahan.
Dito din sa kamang ito siya kinantot ng halimaw, dito sa kamang hinihigan ngayon ni Efren. Dito siya hinubaran ng halimaw at inihiga, ibinuka ang mga hita at dinilaan pa ang kanyang puke.
Tandang-tanda iyon ni Valentina dahil sarap na sarap siya sa ginawang iyon ni Malorko. Sunod-sunod ang kanyang mga ungol habang nilalaro ng halimaw gamit ang dila nito ang kanyang tinggel.
At damang-dama din niya nang ibaon nito ang kanyang malaking tite sa basa niyang puke. Nedyo nasakit sa una dahil sa laki nito ngunit napalitan agad iyon ng sarap habang sinimulan na siyang kantutin.
Nararamdaman ngayon ni Valentina na muling namamasa ang pagitan ng kanyang mga hita habang naaalala niya ang pagkantot sa kanya ng halimaw. Mararanasan din iyon ngayon ni Darna. Dapat pa nga ata ay pasalamatan siya ni Darna dahil alam niyang mag-eenjoy din si Darna sa kantot ni Malorko. Napahawak pa si Valentina sa kanyang puke habang naaalala ang tite ng halimaw.
“Magaling si Malorko, pero alam kong mas mag-eenjoy ako sa iyo Efren” sabi ni Valentina habang pinagmamasdan ang binata. Ilang sandali na lang ay magigising na ito at matitikman din niya ang binata, sa gusto man nito o hindi.
“Ganyan nga Darna, umungol ka kung gusto mo. Huwag ka ng manlaban dahil masasarapan ka din naman bwahahahaha…”
Hindi na naririnig ni Darna ang mga sinasabi ni Malorko dahil sa isip niya ay si Efren ito, na si Efren ang lumalamas ng kanyang suso. Hawak pa din siya ng halimaw sa tagiliran gamit ang dalawang kamay nito. Ang pangatlong kamay nito ay nasa isang suso ni Darna at ang pang-apat ay ngayo’y nasa puwitan na niya, ito naman ang nilalamas.
“Uhmmmmnnn… ang sarap ng mga utong mo Darna, libog na libog na ako sa iyo.”
Bumababa ang halik ng halimaw mula sa kanyang suso ay nasa may tiyan na ni Darna, pababa pa sa kanyang puson. Maiinit ang labi ng halimaw ngunit malamig ang laway nito na damang-dama ng dalaga sa kanyang balat. Nararamdaman na din ni Darna na basa na ang pagitan ng kanyang mga hita na malapit na malapit na dun ang mukha ng halimaw.
“Oooohhhh… ungghhhhhh…” ungol ni Darna habang dalawang kamay na ng halimaw ang lumalamas sa magkabilang suso niya.
Hita na niya ang dinidilaan ngayon ng halimawpapunta sa kanyang singit. Ngayon lang naranasan iyon ni Darna at sarap na sarap na rin siya. Ganito pala ito.
“Masarap ba Darna? Masarap ba ang ginagawa ko?” tanong n Malorko habang hinahalikan na niya ang dalaga sa may baba pa ng kanyang puson, ilang pulgada na lang ang layo sa puke ng dalaga, “gusto mo ba ito?”
Naramdaman ni Darna ang dila ng halimaw sa pagitan ng kanyang mga hita, sa kahabaan ng hiwa ng kanyang puke. Bagamat may suot pa siyang pang-ibaba ay dama pa din niya ang malakas at mahabang dila ng halimaw.
“Ooooohhhhh… uhhhmmmnnnn…” ungol lang ang naging tugon niya sa mga tanong ng malibog na halimaw. Ngayon lang may makaharap na ganitong kalaban ang dalaga.
“Ang bango ng puke mo Darna. Ang sarap kainin nito…”
Dama din ni Darna nang hawiin ni Malorko ang natitirang saplot niya at ilabas ang kanyang puke. Ngayon lang may ibang tao o halimaw na nakakita sa kanyang puke, sa kanyang puke na basang-basa na ngayon.
“Ang ganda ng puke mo Darna, ganito nga ang naiisip kong hitsura nito, kulay rosas na laman, maninipis na bulbol bwahahahaha…”
Napakagat labi na lamang ang dalaga.
-------======… itutuloy …======-------
*******
here's something for the weekend. i need to recharge my mind, after this weekend, hopefully i've regained this something i lost, whatever it is.
The Pauleen Luna Scandal
Nasa friends list ko si pretty Pauleen Luna kahit alam kong hindi talaga siya ang may-ari ng Myspace account na yun. Maganda kasi ang mga litratong nandun (hubba-hubba). Yun pala meron pang ibang "Pauleen Luna" Myspace account at isa dun ay kaaway pa ni "Pauleen" na nasa list ko. Inilagay ni "Pauleen" sa blag niya ang mensahe ng sabi niyang pekeng Pauleen.
Eto ang mensahe sa kanya ng peke daw na Pauleen -
greet job losers...your such a poser..tsktsk,,,to bad 4 you...bitch!
fuck off!!! dont try me or else i gonna grab ur bodies turn to suck!!!!!!! and why r u using my pix???how dare u to say that im poser instead of u!!!and i think my scheds is not enough to do that such a wonderful and beautiful profiles u made...tsk tsk tsk!!!! is that am super beautiful to grab my pics in other sites and put it into ur profiles???????tsk tsk!!! dont use my pics if ur not the real pauleen!!!am loser???? so what urs???? mercy mercy!!!!ur such an idiot!!! fuck off ur butt before u say that to me!!!ur so uneducated!!ur not fit in my real entire life!!!!!!! dont try me..no body can fool me!!!
just do ur business or i gonna call a police to get u in jail by usin my private life and to tell anybody that ur the real pau??? ohhh c'mon!!!ur such a nice idiot!!!
for me its ok to use my pics but to tell me that im loser and poser???ohh no!its not right for me..being an actress..DI KO NGA PINAGKAKALAT SA IBA NA ACTRESS AKO..AND INIBA KO NGA ADDRESS KO!TAPOS I'LL FIND OUT NA UN PA SASABIHIN MO SAKIN????maldita ako kung maldita and hu cares??????go to hell and let the evil kick u sucking shit POSER!!!!!!!!!!
Eto naman ang sagot ng Pauleen na nasa list ko -
hahaha...hey gurl,who ever you are,dont try to betray me against my will....you dont know the remedy i will put back on you....if your the reaaaaaalll ME how come your so mad at me???perhaps,ako dapat ang magalit sa ginawa mo...and you deserve to go to hell not me,because im not using other person just to fake other people to like me.....arent you watching EAT BULAGA??sinabiko dun,na i have myspace accounts and its PAULEEN_LUNA@YAHOO.COM. not your account shame on you girl you have a guts to message me like that.....too bad for you,your trying to be like ME,But sorry to say you cant be,because your a LOSER sooooooo patheticc,and soo annoying..i just laugh at you....hahahahaa...c'mon girly,be REAL you can never be me,IN YOUR DREAMS ONLY.....ciao!!!
Alam kong madami din akong maling grammar pero naman, naman, pede naman tagalog.
Kung totoo ngang si Pauleen ang nasa friends list ko, buti na lang maganda siya.... haaayyyyyyy...
My Well Is Deep And Dry Today
LATELY, I COULDN'T find my need to write. I have nothing to say or write about, my tabloid editor is yet to ask for the continuations of my stories and i think i'm just a sneeze away from a cold.
I'm trying to finish Shock Jock Howard Stern's book "Private Parts" which i bought for a dollar. It's a good enough read especially if your sitting on the johns. A shitty book when shitting. He hates the French and the Filipinos, by the way. I wouldn't recommend the book but if you happen to see it, open a few pages. Look for the part about the Filipino people.
These past days, I'm sort of addicted to this video game my bro installed in my PC. It's called "Stacked" and its a poker game. You make your own character and you join poker tournaments. Of course, the object of the game is to win as much money as you can. The game claims the A.I. of Stacked is advanced and it can supposely study your own style of playing (i.e. if your a bluffer or if you tend to play it safe). It's a lot of fun. This is the closest to gambling i'll ever be. I can't play poker if i'm betting real money.
And oh yeah, i've been listening over and over and over and over to the late Jeff Buckley's version of Sir Elton John's song "We All Fall In Love Sometimes." If watching the Beatles perform on TV made me want to learn to play guitar, listening to Jeff Buckley makes me want to enroll in voice lessons, especially after hearing this song. You haven't felt goosebumps till you hear him sing this song. Then go download Buckley's "Everybody Here Wants You" and make out with anybody you can pull beside you.
And lastly, since i think it will take a few more days before i can write again, why don't you read this very loooooooong story about The X-File's Agent Scully and Assistant Director Skinner. Basahin nyo to, i know you will love it. I wish i wrote this one.
*********
The Secret Santa
"The Grinch hated Christmas, the whole Christmas season. Please don't ask me why, no one quite knows the reason. It could be perhaps that his shoes were too tight. It could be perhaps that his head wasn't screwed on just right. But I think, that perhaps, the biggest reason of all - Was that his heart was two sizes too small."
Or maybe, Skinner thought, snapping off the radio on his desk with a savage twist, he's finished divorcing his wife, and this will be the first Christmas he's spent alone in 17 years.
It was 11:00 pm, but he didn't want to go home. Didn't want to drive through the cold, snowy streets illuminated by Christmas lights. Didn't want to enter his tastefully decorated building and then his dark, undecorated condominium.
He had liked Christmas once, as had Sharon. She had made paper chains and popcorn strings for their first Christmas tree, since they didn't have much money but he'd given her an elaborate Victorian tree-top angel. Each following year, they'd given each other another ornament, always something that was significant about the previous year. There were 33 at the time of the divorce. When Sharon had moved out, she left him the ones she had given him, but he had angrily packed them up, refusing to really look at them, and sent them after her. Skinner wished he had them now, if only to look at. He could name them all, in the order that she had given them to him.
Enough. He scowled back down at his work. He was just tense because holiday spirit at the Bureau was in full swing. All the offices except his had decorated doors and some had little trees. Normally, Kim had something in the outer office, but this year, her sister had just had a baby, so Kim would be gone for the rest of December.
Skinner carefully refrained from resenting her absence. Kim had a perfect right to take leave and was probably up for some kind of Secretary's Purple Heart anyway. She had provided him with an efficient replacement. It wasn't the young man's fault that he wasn't aware of the exact way Skinner did things, but it was one more thing that rubbed his ragged nerves. Acknowledging that he wasn't going to get any more work done, Skinner arranged his desk for the morning, grabbed his jacket, and headed for the door.
As he exited into the hall, his leg brushed against something and he glanced down. A red stocking leaned against the wall next to his door. "Skinner" was spelled out in glitter across the white band at the top. That year, many of the agents were participating in a "Secret Santa" gift exchange. They had drawn names, not telling who they'd picked, and would buy gifts for the person from now until Christmas Eve. The gifts were supposed to start small and then escalate into at least one nice gift. Each participating agent had a stocking, just like this one, hanging in the break room. Immediately after work each day, everyone would get together and open that day's gifts.
Skinner, of course, had not participated. It would be inappropriate to stress an agent with buying a gift for the boss and to stress himself with picking out something for the agent he drew. He didn't want to contemplate what would happen if Mulder drew his name or he drew Mulder's. Actually, from the description of the gifts Agent Colton had received so far, Skinner could guess whose name Mulder had drawn.
Skinner had glanced in at the exchange once as he headed back to his office from the file room. For a moment, he'd been almost overwhelmed by the sense of loneliness he'd felt as he stood in the doorway, watching everyone open their gifts, laughing and talking, and holding up the silly objects. He'd left quickly and barricaded himself at his desk.
He glared at the offending stocking. Someone was playing a joke on him, trying to make him feel ridiculous. He snatched it up, feeling a weight at the toe. He upended the stocking, and a small wrapped package fell into his hand. It was too small for a bomb, and right now, he didn't care anyway.
Skinner ripped open the paper and ribbon, prepared for anything from a fake dog turd to a pack of Morley's to a book on how to meet women. He stared, uncomprehending, at the box of chocolate Santas, that was revealed, dark chocolate at that, his favorite kind. He felt his mouth fill with saliva at the thought of the bittersweet taste.
A present. Someone had given him a Christmas present. Unbelievably, Skinner felt a tightness in his throat. It had been so long since anyone had done anything like this for him, that the gesture almost undid him.
Who had done this? The stocking hadn't been there an hour ago when he'd gone to the bathroom, and he hadn't heard anyone in the hall. Who else was here this late?
It would be a simple matter of checking the exit log to find out, of course, or at least to make an educated guess, but Skinner realized that he didn't really want to. Someone had gone to an effort to do something nice for him. The least he could do was let the giver remain anonymous, as she seemed to desire. Not that it had to be a she, of course, but Skinner couldn't really picture a man doing this.
With a heart that felt lighter than it had for months, Skinner headed for home.
__
The following day, Skinner found himself eyeing people he passed in the halls, wondering which of them was the giver.
Of course, it didn't have to be any of them. The gift could still be a trap, laid by his enemies. If he was a paranoid as he probably should be, he would have it analyzed, but he refused. He accepted the gift and would enjoy it. If that was a mistake, so be it. Skinner decided he didn't want to live in a world where he had to analyze Christmas gifts.
He had started enjoying the gift last night, feeling like a kid as he ate a couple of the Santas. The dark chocolate tasted as good as he remembered. He hadn't brought one to work, however. It just wouldn't be "AD Skinner" to get caught munching chocolate on his lunch hour.
He had even kept the stocking, locking it in the bottom corner of his desk as if it were something to be ashamed of.
Skinner went through the meetings scheduled for that day, signing off on reports, glaring at Mulder through an expense report meeting where the agent swore that driving the car through a swamp had been *necessary*. His heart wasn't really in the last. He was in a pretty good mood, actually, and it took all his self-control not to pat his recalcitrant agent on the shoulder and tell him to cheer up for the holidays. The awareness that he would give Mulder a heart attack by the gesture helped Skinner keep his neutrality in place.
Scully looked very pretty during the meeting in a dark green suit, but Skinner thought she seemed slightly pale. He could see shadows under her eyes despite her careful makeup as if she hadn't slept well. Perhaps the holidays were getting her down too.
For a moment, he thought she might be getting sick again, and fear clutched him, but he was sure that Mulder would let him know if that was the case. Work piled up during the day, as it always did, holidays or no, and Skinner found himself working on into the evening. He sent Justin, or Mr. Phillips, as Skinner called him, home at 5:30, much to the nervous young man's relief. Skinner made a mental note to remind Kim to tell the next temp that the AD hadn't killed any replacement secretaries in several years and was reasonably safe to be around.
Winding down, he checked his watch, saw that it was 9:30, and decided to start the weekend before midnight for once. He was absurdly disappointed that the hallway was empty when he left his office.
"Cut it out," he told himself. "It was a one-time thing. Enjoy what you got."
He signed out and headed for the garage.
Another stocking leaned against the driver-side door of his car. Skinner felt an unaccustomed smile tug at the corners of his mouth. He picked up the stocking and slid into the driver's seat, eagerly reaching in for the package.
He opened the flat square box and squinted at the title of the CD. Christmas carols, sung by rap artists. Skinner frowned. His giver had meant well, but this wasn't really his style.
When he reached his condo, he grabbed a Santa, and with a shrug, slid the CD into his stereo. After the first song, he was transfixed. The tunes were the old, traditional Christmas songs, "Away in a Manger", "O, Come All Ye Faithful", etc., but the raw ragged voices of the singers, coming together in unaccustomed harmony, gave them a new edge, a new urgency. There is beauty in many things, the songs seemed to say, even harshness.
Skinner listened to the entire CD, wishing that his gift-giver was beside him, listening too. When it was over, he removed the CD very gently and returned it to the case. He headed for bed, determined to get some rest. He had a big day tomorrow. He had to go shopping.
Skinner approached the mall with some trepidation, for it had been a long time since he had been Christmas shopping. He had always bought gifts for Sharon, but in later years, he had mostly ordered items from catalogs that she had told him she wanted. He hadn't had time to hunt for surprises. The only thing he had really shopped for had been her ornament, and Skinner admitted to himself that he hadn't been as careful about that purchase as he should have been.
He was determined to do better by his 'Santa' as he entered the mall. It was early, so the crowds weren't too bad. He might be getting into the Christmas spirit, but Skinner still didn't want to spend the Saturday before Christmas in a mall.
Skinner decided he owed three gifts: one for each gift he'd already received and one for Monday. The first one could be inexpensive. All of the gifts he had received had been associated with Christmas, so he decided to continue the theme if he could.
He decided candy would be cheating, so he wandered until he reached a display of Christmas office supplies. There were pens and pencils, memo pads and Post-it(TM) notes, all with a holiday motif. Skinner selected a set of red and green Bic pens and a memo pad that had 'Santa's List' written across the top. They seemed to match the playful nature of his first gift, although he didn't have much experience in playfulness.
The sales clerk offered to wrap them, but Skinner refused. If he was going to play Santa in turn, he would do the wrapping himself.
He found a store entirely devoted to Christmas items and decided it would be a good place to look for the second gift. He was right too, for he found it almost immediately - a snow globe with the scene of a small church and carolers under a night
sky.
"It's a music box," a young saleswoman pointed out. He wound the key and listened to a few notes of 'Joy to the World', just the wish he wanted to send to her, in return for the happiness she'd given him. Two gifts down, one to go. Skinner looked around the Christmas store, but didn't see anything else that appealed to him.
He headed through the mall, idly glancing in windows. Hardware, no; bath stuff, maybe, but just passing the store entrance made him sneeze; kitchen, he knew enough about women to know that they didn't want appliances for major holidays; clothes, he didn't know her size; Christmas stockings..., wait a minute.
Skinner backed up and looked in the window of the last store. 'The Christmas Stocking' seemed to specialize in holiday lingerie. There were all kinds of things in the windows, some of which looked really uncomfortable, but his attention was caught by a set of white lace thigh-high stockings patterned in snowflakes.
They were extremely inappropriate, he told himself firmly. 'Santa' wanted to brighten his holidays, not issue some sexual invitation. There had been nothing physically enticing in the gifts he had received. Giving her these would elevate the exchange to another level. He might well offend her, not to mention place himself in an embarrassing situation.
He pictured the reaction if 'Santa' was someone like Mrs. Tompkins in purchasing, who decorated her desk with pictures of her grandchildren and various framed religious quotations. Actually, Mrs. Tompkins probably wouldn't have given him the rap CD, but the issue remained the same, and there was always the remote possibility that it was a man. Skinner refused to consider that it might be a man who would want to wear the stockings.
All in all, the stockings were not an appropriate gift. However, he couldn't shake the feeling that they were the correct gift, referring back to the initial stocking he'd received. Jaw tight, Skinner stalked away from the store.
Two hours later, jaw still tight, Skinner stood in front of The Christmas Stocking once again, glaring in the window. He couldn't find another thing in the entire mall that he wanted to buy for her. It was beginning to get crowded with harried shoppers who each seemed to have one or more screaming children in tow. He could feel a light sweat on his forehead, as the mall heated from the crowds.
With a sigh of defeat, he entered the store. He was relieved to find that the stockings were packaged and plainly visible, so he didn't have to ask one of the saleswomen for them. He was also relieved to notice that he wasn't the only harassed-looking man in the store. Skinner felt a stab of pity for the football-player types who were earnestly rummaging through a bin of teddies.
He didn't know her size, so he grabbed packages in small, medium, and large and took them to the counter. His forbidding expression prevented the clerk from commenting on the assortment of sizes although she looked amused. Skinner didn't care. He just wanted to get out of the store without Cancerman or Krycek mysteriously appearing to complete his humiliation.
Skinner carefully wrapped the gifts in gold paper etched with holly and poinsettia designs and placed them in a white stocking patterned with small gold stars. He couldn't think of anything to put across the top so left it blank.
He spent Monday with one corner of his mind trying to figure out where to put her stocking. Finally, he waited until 8:00 that evening and placed it in the hallway outside his office. He placed the red stocking that had contained his first gift beside the white one. There was no need for her to keep buying stockings for him, when she could re-use this one. No-one else was on his floor this time of the evening, and this near Christmas, and the cleaning crew didn't come in until 10. Hopefully, she would have retrieved the stocking by then.
Because he was listening with ears trained in Vietnam, he heard a light step in the hall at 9:00. Skinner forced himself to keep his head bent over his work. He did not want to discover her, not at this juncture. Let the gentle game play itself out.
He left his office at 9:30. The white stocking was gone. A red stocking with a large bulge was sitting on the floor. Skinner stepped back inside his office and opened the package.
The Christmas tree star seemed to catch fire from from his desk lamp. The star was made of gold and silver wire twisted together in intricate patterns, with crystal beads strung at the joints. Skinner thought he had never seen anything so beautiful. There was obviously only one thing to be done with a star like this.
The Christmas tree lot was picked over, but Skinner managed to find a six-foot tree that hadn't lost too many needles. The lot carried a few decorations, so he also purchased some lights and a tree stand. He set up the tree in his condo by the balcony window a d watched the lights catch and dance in the star's crystals. Skinner didn't have other ornaments, but they would have seemed superfluous somehow. He reluctantly turned off the tree and went to bed, wondering if she was enjoying her gifts as much as he enjoyed his.
It took all of her notable self-control, but Scully made it back to her apartment before exploring the contents of her stocking. Its appearance in the hallway startled her. She had almost expected Skinner to have the first gift dusted for fingerprints then call her to his office for a lecture on appropriate Supervisor-Subordinate conduct. His acceptance of her gifts was the one bright spot in a Christmas that was shaping up to be the worst in her memory. She couldn't remember now what had started the fight between her and Bill during Thanksgiving dinner at their mother's, but it boiled down to her not living her life as Bill saw fit. He brought up the pain she caused her family, her 'perverted' partnership with Mulder, even Missy's death. Scully retaliated with comments about Bill's inability to be around people he couldn't control and his jealousy over her career. Maggie had blamed them both and demanded they apologize to each other. Bill had muttered something, but Scully had refused. She was tired of Bill smug assurance of his right to judge and dictate her life and she wouldn't apologize for the feelings. Her refusal had drawn all the anger to her, and she had left in a fury.
When her mother had called a couple of weeks later to discuss plans for Christmas at Bill's, Scully had refused to go, causing another fight. The upshot was that she was spending Christmas alone for the first time in her life. Even at her busiest, she had managed to get home for the holidays, if only for a short time. Not this year.
She hadn't told Mulder about the fight. He would want to spend Christmas with her, and she knew he had planned to go skiing She also worried that he would fly to California and punch out Bill or have the Lone Gunmen set him up as the head of an Internet child-porn ring or something.
Instead, she resolved to ignore everything to do with Christmas beyond the FBI festivities that were necessary to maintain her cover. It was a strain, for Scully had always enjoyed Christmas. She loved decorating trees, mutilating caroles with her horrible singing voice, cooking, and giving presents. She prided herself on being able to pick out just the right gift for her family and friends.
However, Scully remained strong in her determination. She hung a candy cane on the basement office door. Actually, she had hung several, as Mulder kept eating them. She drew Holly's name in the gift exchange, and wished co-workers happy holidays, but her apartment remained undecorated and she avoided holiday TV specials and long-distance telephone commercials. Then, she saw Skinner watching the gift exchange from the hall outside the break room. He hadn't noticed her, and the lonliness and sorrow in his expression she saw in the one unguarded second before his face shuttered again, had touched her heart and filled her with a determination to give him a merry Christmas, at least in some small way. There was no need for everyone to be miserable.
So Skinner's 'Secret Santa' had been born. She had enjoyed picking the gifts out to a surprising degree and felt a new closeness for her AD. They shared a secret even though he didn't know who she was. Now, her idea seemed to be taking on a new dimension, and Scully found herself smiling for what seemed the first time in weeks.
Eagerly, she opened the first gift and grinned at the office supplies, especially the "Santa's List" notepad. She would never have imagined a sense of humor in Skinner, but the man couldn't scowl all the time. "Santa's List, huh?" she murmmured. "Have you been a good little boy this year, Walter? Or have you been *naughty*...?"
Scully flushed hotly at a sudden image of the AD, bent over his desk with his pants around his knees in preparation to receive a paddling for naughty acts committed through the year. She would provide it, of course, perhaps dressed in a little elf suit.
She shook her head to clear it. Really, the strain of the holidays and the fight with her family were getting to her. Banishing evil thoughts from her mind, Scully opened the next gift. Her lascivious grin faded as she looked at the snow globe.
"How beautiful," she whispered, gently shaking the globe to make the snow fly around the church and carolers. Scully wound the key in the base of the globe and listened to the gentle notes of "Joy to the World". So, he had both a sense of humor and sensitivity hidden under that surly exterior. She felt guilty over her earlier lustful thoughts. Skinner was, very sweetly, returning the favor she had done for him, bringing joy into her Christmas, and she had started to turn it into some kind of perversion. She was obviously a very bad person who didn't deserve any more presents. Maybe she should be the one to get that spanking. "Don't go there," she told herself.
Being aware of her general unworthiness, did not keep Scully from opening her third gift.
Her jaw dropped open. "Oh my God."
Tentatively, she opened the package marked 'Small' and held up the stockings. White, lacy, filmy...intimate.
"He just got them because they've got Christmas patterns," she told herself. "It doesn't mean anything."
She didn't believe it, and she was startled to realize she didn't *want* to believe it. Since when did she want Skinner to be sexually interested in her? Since now, apparently.
Scully dazedly walked into her bedroom, still carrying her gifts. She put the snowglobe on her night stand and the pens and pad on her dresser. She was going to put the stockings away as well, but decided to try them on first. It was only fair, she thought confusedly, she had scribbled on the pad and shaken the globe, so she should try on the stockings. She forced herself to hang up her suit and put away her shoes. Then, she pulled off her pantyhose and slowly, almost reluctantly, slid the stockings over her legs.
The lace scratched gently at her skin, the pressure increasing as Scully ran her fingers over her calf and thigh, enjoying the texture, suddenly wishing that it was Skinner's hands moving over her legs.
The image slammed the breath from her lungs. Skinner's long fingers and broad palm sliding deliberately over her legs, pressing the lace into her skin, going ever higher until he stroked the flesh at the top of the stocking. His hands were replaced by his lips as his mouth traced the same path, not stopping at her thighs this time.
Scully moved her own hand to her aching groin, fantasizing that her increasingly desperate touch was caused by Skinner's hands and mouth as they teased her, first through the fabric of her panties, then against her bare, hot skin.
She jerked in orgasm and collapsed backwards on to her bed. I need to get these off, she thought, as her breath slowed, before I get in more trouble.
Scully put the stockings carefully away, not allowing herself to think about what had just happened, got ready for bed, and slid under the covers. She reached out to wind the snowglobe and listened to the tinkling music as she tried to fall asleep.
One thought accompanied her into dreams: What the hell was she going to get him for tomorrow? The tie with snowmen on it just wouldn't do. Unless of course, he used it on her wrists....
The problem of Skinner's next gift accompanied Scully to work the next day. Fortunately, aliens, mutant serial killers, and Evil Government Conspirators seemed to have taken the holidays off, so she and Mulder didn't have an X-File to work on.
Mulder was using their free time to surf the net, looking for suitable gifts for Agent Colton and attempting to discover which ski lodge had the highest quantity of available women. Scully was theoretically catching up on paperwork, but in reality, she was obsessing over the direction Skinner's 'Secret Santa' seemed to be taking. This was just as well, since Mulder wasn't paying attention to her industry anyway. "Heh, heh, heh. Hey, Scully, do you think Colton would like a copy of 'Top or Bottom: The Newcomer's Guide to B&D'?"
"Mulder, I think you're setting yourself up for a sexual harassment charge."
Her reply was automatic and Scully hunched over her computer in a desperate attempt to hide her flaming face. Mulder's B&D comment meshed all too neatly with certain fantasies she'd had about the tie she'd planned to give Skinner today and the stockings she'd received the night before. She couldn't give him the tie, that was certain. Not after her strong sexual response to his gift. The intensity of her arousal had almost scared her - it had been a long time since she'd had those feelings - and about Skinner of all people!
Scully was almost tempted to stop the game. Almost, but not quite. It would hurt him, she rationalized, or he would think he had offended her. Deep inside, she knew she was lying to herself. She wanted the game to continue - and to have only one conclusion.
She slipped out at lunch, grabbing a hot dog from a pushcart (a secret eating habit she guarded religiously from Mulder), to eat while she searched for another gift for Skinner. She didn't find anything along the main shopping area, and as her lunch hour neared an end, she turned into a small side street.
Scully wasn't really expecting to find anything, and was almost resigned to the tie, when she passed a small shop called 'The Christmas Stocking' and recognized her gift from the night before.
On impulse, she opened the door and went in, nodding to the sales clerk. "I don't remember this store being here," Scully said, trying not to stare at the stockings.
"We usually just operate out of the mall," the clerk explained. "That's where I normally work. But we rented a space here for the downtown shopping crowd. Looking for something for that special man?" Scully found herself nodding: special certainly summed Skinner up. Smiling, the clerk gestured Scully toward the back of the store. They had a nice selection of men's silk robes, boxers, pajamas, etc. The thought of Skinner in any of the items made Scully's heart beat faster, but nothing really caught her attention. They all seemed too formal somehow, too serious.
There was no one else in the store at the moment, so the clerk wandered up behind Scully.
"If you're looking for something a little...fun," she (Karen from her name tag) said with a mischevious grin, "try over here." Scully looked where she pointed and felt her pupils dilate.
'When you REALLY want to get him under the Mistletoe' the sign proclaimed cheerily over the rack of thongs. The scraps of material were red, black, or green, but they all had a sprig of mistletoe embroidered down the length of the pouch.
"The sides are just velcroed on," Karen explained helpfully. "You can rip it right off." She elbowed Scully lightly. "Or bite it off," she giggled.
Scully stifled a whimper at the thought. The stockings could be passed off as being pretty and having no intentional sexual overtones. This couldn't. There was only one reason for wearing or giving this particular item.
'I can't,' she told herself. 'I really, *really* can't buy that for Assistant Director Skinner, who is my boss and who only calls me to his office to lecture me. Who I have lied to, shouted at, and held a gun on. Who has a chest that I managed to notice even when he was shot and I was angry over Missy's murder. Who has a body that looks outstanding in a suit and tie, and who I have no reason to think looks less outstanding wearing...just...a...thong.' That did it. The idea of Skinner wearing just the thong was enough to fry what little higher brain power Scully had left. She nodded her head numbly.
"What size?" Karen chirped.
"Large," Scully said with no hesitation and blushed a bright, screaming red.
Karen grinned and nudged her again. "Lucky girl."
Armed with her package, which she'd had Karen gift wrap, Scully stumbled back to the Hoover Building, wondering if she could somehow blame the entire incident on the chip in her neck.
-- --
Scully spent the rest of the day feverishly going over paperwork, trying to distract herself from the package hidden in her bottom desk drawer. She almost screamed when she returned from getting coffee to find Mulder rummaging through her desk.
"I don't have any pens that work," he explained, looking surprised at her wild-eyed stare. "Scully, are you ok?"
"I'm fine," she managed, staring at his hand that rested on the handle of the drawer containing Skinner's present. "Here's a pen, Mulder." He followed her gaze to where it rested on his hand. "Scully," he said teasingly. "Is my present hidden in here?"
Her eyes snapped back to his face. Actually, he'd look pretty damn cute in the thong himself. Maybe she could get matching....
No, No, NO!
What was she thinking?
"Your present's at home, Mulder," she said more calmly. "I'd hardly bring it here. I bet you were the type that checked out what was hidden in the attic before Christmas morning."
"The truth's out there, Scully, and so was my new bicycle. I bet you were a good little girl who went right to sleep so Santa could come?" he teased back.
"Good little girl, that's me," only not recently, she added to herself. She left work at the usual time. Scully had been staying late to deliver Skinner's present after the halls were mostly deserted, but Mulder would get suspicious if she continued to do so. Her filing was so caught up it was scary.
After a quiet dinner and non-sexually-oriented-material shopping, Scully returned to the Hoover Building, the stocking concealed in her briefcase. On impulse, she had typed "I'm a small" on a scrap of paper to add to the stocking. There wasn't any need for him to keep buying three sizes of everything.
Skinner's light was still on. Her white stocking sat in the hallway, just outside the office door. For a moment, Scully contemplated delivering her present in person, although she should really go home and put on the lace stockings first.
As stealthily as if she were planting a bomb, Scully tiptoed to her stocking, grabbed it, left Skinner's stocking, and swiftly retreated down the hall.
Unable to resist, she dived into the ladies' room and tore into the gift. An expensive bottle of perfume and a typed note of her own: "I am aware that the previous gift was inappropriate. Please accept my apologies." Oh, God. He'd bought the stockings on impulse, obviously not intending any sexual suggestion, had second thoughts, and *apologized*. Meanwhile, she, Dana Scully, idiot par excellance, had purchased and left a.... Maybe she could get it back. Scully shot out of the ladies' room and ran as fast as she could on tiptoe back toward Skinner's office. As she reached the corner, she heard his office door open and his step in the hall. It was too late. Short of throwing herself across the stocking as if she were shielding others from a live hand grenade - not a bad analogy now that she thought of it - there was no way to retrieve the stocking. He'd probably insist on seeing the contents anyway. She was doomed.
Well, this stopped here. Skinner would be furious, not that she blamed him. He would move heaven and earth to find and discipline (not in the fun sense) the giver. There was no way she could ever explain herself. Numbly, she headed home, wondering just *where* she would be transferred. Antartica? Death Valley? Could she stay in the FBI at all?
-- --
It took Skinner a few minutes to figure out the purpose of the brightly embroidered scrap of cloth he had received. Now, he stared at it in absolute disbelief as it dangled from his index finger.
He let out a startled bark of laughter. Apparently the stockings hadn't offended her!
Skinner's groin tightened as he contemplated his latest acquisition. This game was certainly getting interesting. He could see only one possible conclusion, and it involved being kissed under the mistletoe.
He contemplated the note that accompanied the gift. A small, was she? (He really hoped 'Santa' was a she.)
"All right, my small Santa," he murmured, with a wolfish grin. "I'll be sure to get you something more interesting for tomorrow."
Skinner went to work the next morning in an extremely good mood. He smiled a greeting to Justin, causing the slim, blond young man to almost drop the files he was clutching.
"How are you settling in?" Skinner asked affably.
"Fine," squeaked the temp.
Skinner couldn't really blame him for being surprised at the change: he hadn't done much more than grunt "Bring me a file" or "Any messages?" since Justin had taken over for Kim, not that he said much more than that to Kim either.
"Good, good. You're doing a fine job." He smiled at Justin again, not noticing the resultant knee buckling, and strolled into his office.
Skinner charged into his in-basket with the cheerful anticipation of a man expecting sex in the near future. He had tried on the thong after arriving home the previous evening. He had never worn one before, and had always thought they looked uncomfortable, but it had been an enlightening experience.
Skinner normally never considered the underwear he was wearing, but it was difficult to ignore the strip of fabric between his buttocks, and the snug pouch was tighter than his usual cotton briefs. Still, it wasn't uncomfortable, just...stimulating.
He had been amused by his reflection in the mirror. The erotic feel of the thong and the knowledge that it came from 'Santa' had given him an erection, and the embroidered sprig of mistletoe ran its length. A berry sat directly on top. He felt a little foolish, but even that wasn't unpleasant. It had been a long time - years - since he had done anything that could remotely be considered fun.
Skinner hadn't paid attention to the rest of his reflection. He thought of himself as middle-aged, bald, and unattractive. He worked hard to keep in shape but it was motivated by a desire to be fit for his job rather than by vanity. Therefore, he was unaware of the impact that the thong would have on others, as it called attention to his muscled legs, flat abdomen, and firm buttocks and accented his genitalia.
He *was* aware that the thong could only be considered a sexual overture, which was what had him in good spirits today. He was shy with women socially: dating with its small talk, flirtations and indecipherable (to him at least) signals filled him with horror. However, the gifts had broken the ice between him and 'Santa', cutting through most of the bullshit. We can skip the chatter and go straight to the sex, a non-PC part of Skinner's mind thought.
He shook his head at himself. He was interested in 'Santa' on more than a sexual level (although that was certainly there). Whoever she was, she had been kind to him and had displayed a playful nature that appealed to him. He intended to see where the relationship might lead.
He couldn't wait to find out who she was.
That should happen tomorrow, the last day before the Christmas holidays. All the Secret Santa participants were supposed to wear or display their gifts. Theoretically, she should wear the stockings, and please God, no other woman had received a pair or purchased a pair for herself.
He knew that he might have frightened her off with the apologetic note he'd left in her stocking and the platonic gift of perfume. Skinner planned to remedy that with today's gift, to be bought at lunch. He knew just where to find it so should be able to purchase it within the allotted hour.
If he'd scared her into refusing to reveal her identity, well, Skinner knew his way around a fingerprint kit, and there were other options. He hoped she'd continue the game that was a special link between them. However, one way or another, he was going to find out who she was.
For now, he had an in-box to clear. With a song in his heart and a pleasant ache in his groin, Skinner went to work, unaware
that he was humming.
-- --
Scully slunk into the basement office, having seriously debated coming down with the flu until after the holidays. It would explain a lot. *Something* had to be wrong with someone who would give her obviously uninterested boss an anonymous gift of sexy underwear.
Mulder was staring into his computer screen, reading something off the 'Net. Scully shuddered to think what it might be, but
couldn't see any obvious sex toy pictures.
"What's up?" she asked, desperate to sound normal.
"Some kind of swamp creature running around the Lousiana bayous," he said disinterestedly.
"Maybe we should check it out," Scully said brightly. Louisiana was far away from DC. If she was really lucky, the swamp creature would eat her, and she wouldn't ever have to face Skinner. At this moment, if she could have located Cancerman, she would have volunteered to be abducted by aliens for more testing.
"Aah, it's the holidays. I'll let it haunt the bayous in peace." He grinned at her. "But I'll keep an eye out for the Abominable Snowman on the slopes."
"More like the Abominable Snowbunny," Scully grumped, settling behind her desk.
Mulder grinned wider for a moment, then rested his psychologist's eyes on her. "What's going on, Scully? You don't normally want to run off and check out beasties."
She looked back at him. The green eyes were gentle, filled with concern. Biting her lip to keep it from trembling, Scully found herself telling him about the fight with Bill and her Mother. She didn't mention her insanity over Skinner. She wanted sympathy, not howls of laughter and suggestions for further gifts.
"Come skiing with me," he said when she finished. "I'll have more fun than if I go by myself."
He said it sincerely, but Scully shook her head. "You'll be alone for about 10 minutes before you meet Candy or Cindy or Suzy...or Bambi." She smiled at him maliciously.
"Don't you dare come to my house either. It's going to be me, a mug of hot chocolate, and a book that isn't a medical journal. It's ok, Mulder," she added gently, "But I appreciate the offer."
He nodded dubiously, but let the matter rest, heading out later "to see a man about an alien," as he put it.
Scully began to check out Mulder's swamp creature. Maybe she would go hunt it herself. Maybe she would only take her flashlight and a nail file.
She was deep into a description of how the creature chased an extrememly drunk hunter, when the office door opened and Skinner walked in.
After all her fantasies, actually seeing him in the flesh shook her. Scully jumped in her chair and rose shakily to her feet. He was wearing his regulation suit, white shirt, and dark tie. His face was cool and composed. His demeanor screamed, /Only a sex-crazed idiot would give me a thong/ This was it: she was dead.
"Sir," she croaked.
Skinner was slightly surprised since Scully didn't usually act as if she was going to faint if he walked into the office. He'd forced himself back into AD mode in order to function appropriately, but he didn't think he looked particularly frightening. He held up a sheaf of papers. "I was going to lunch and I wanted to leave these for Agent Mulder. Is he here?"
"Oh. No, sir. He had to go out." Relief swamped her at the reprieve.
Skinner set the papers on Mulder's desk and looked around for a pen. Not seeing one (Mulder seemed to eat pens), he crossed to Scully's desk and plucked one from the pencil cup.
Leaning over the side of her desk, he began to scribble a note. Scully concentrated very hard on her computer screen, but she was eye-level with Skinner's groin and couldn't prevent her eyes from sliding in that direction. Of course, she couldn't see anything through the dress slacks, but her imagination took flight. What if he was wearing
