fuck buddies

friends with benefits, fucking friends, fuck buddies… it may now be called by these terms given by the present generation who engages in it, but this has been around for ages. I do not know what they call it in Soddom and Gomorrah but I’m pretty sure they do that there then. I bet it’s grossly rampant back then, that’s why God destroyed those cities by making it rain with April Boy Reginos singing “di ko kayang tanggapin” with his arms raised in an X above his head. Kasunod ng burning baseball caps.

Fuck buddies, by definition, are just that. Buddies who engages in sex. For different reasons, they can’t be more than that. Either one or both of them have separate relationships or they’re better off as just FuBus. They are together, strictly speaking, for sex only. But you can’t take the word “buddies” out of FuBu. Most often than not, FuBus genuinely care for each other but they just.can’t.be more than that. The respect and caring will always be there as they have shared something really intimate and personal. If they don’t go along well in the first place, I don’t think the sex will be that good. Di nga lang talaga pwedeng maging sila, for some reasons.

Fuck buddies is a good setup for those who engages in it but it is very open to danger and heartbreak. The usual problem arise when one of them starts falling for the other. One may start wanting more attention and affection the other can only give as much. You don’t get angry if a friend doesn’t call you often enough or the friend wont fetch you in school or work but the moment nagtampo ka because your FuBu didn’t do that, then Houston, we have a problem. That is usually the time to stand back and analyze your feelings.

I personally believe that the time will come when one of the FuBus will eventually fall for the other. That is just a natural progression, specially for the unattached FuBu. What to do? As they say, if you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen, if you can’t stand the smell, get out of the toilet and go shit in the bukid haha Get out of the “fuck” aspect of the FuBu relationship and remain buddies. That is still possible. But if the other one suddenly disappear when the fuck is over, well, what the fuck, he/she is not worth keeping.

You just have to, in the meantime, jack-off if you’re a guy and jill-off if you’re a girl. Or go play jack and jill with your other cutie friend.

first kiss

have you ever wondered what's it like to finally get that one thing you've always wanted? that one thing that you've been waiting for almost all your life? that one thing you're always daydreaming / fantasizing about?

aren't you scared that when you finally did get that one thing, it may not turn out how you envisioned it to be?

take a kiss from a first crush.

since your inosente days, you might be imagining kissing her already. You wait for the time that she one day will take a glance at you, that one day she will notice and acknowledge your existence. But that wait took longer than expected.  You part ways. Weeks turn to months, months to years, years to... uhmmm hopefully a few more years na lang

then by some twist of fate, your paths crossed and both of you realized the time lost when you parted ways. Things may be different now but that long-over due kiss still a possibility, right? Fate intervened, answered "yes" and here you are

right here, right now, seconds away from that kiss. She's in your arms, eyes locked. Your heart beating fast, one for every minute that you've waited for this moment.

Then your lips touched for the very first time. You suddenly remembered all those times you dreamed of this. She kisses you, you kissed back. Lips feeling each other. Bits of tongues here, there. Your body is trembling like it's your first kiss. Well, it is your first kiss, your first time you kiss her.

And then, before you knew it, it's over. You can still feel the sensation of her kiss but it is gone now. You were left licking your lips, savoring the remaining memories of her kiss.

Was the wait worth it? Was it how you dreamed it will be? You can only say yes, it's well worth it and no, it was much, much better than you could imagine. Sad though, it's over now.

But is it really over? Or just the beginnings of another well worth it "wait"? the smiles on both of you answer the lingering questions.

my penis can talk

penis : The external male sex organ used to copulate and ejaculate semen and to convey urine outside the body. In Latin, the word "penis" originally meant "a tail." The Latin "penis" is related to the verb pendere meaning "to hang down" (i wonder if it also apply when its looking up haha). I looked it up on the internet but don't ask me why i Yahoo-searched it

anyway, who calls it "penis" nowadays. you'll only find that word in dictionaries and medical books. what's in a name?, ika nga ni al pacino. today, it goes by different names ; "dick, george, harry, manoy, totoy mola, dagul, utoy, dolphy, minime, mighty mouse, big bird, birdie, cock,  ahas, sawa, hotdog, sausage, third leg, nota, mic, etits, pagkalalaki, alaga, batuta, patutoy, peepee (as in "ilabas mo na ang peepee para maka weewee) but if our Visayan brothers and sisters will say that word, it will magically turn into the ladies' sex organ (as in "pepe") which by the way, goes by different names also. but i wont touch on ur vaginas now, sa penis muna tayo hehe. i call mine "Shaq", the Shaq Attaq! 'cause its big, strong and black haha my Shaq scores a lot but doesn't know how to shoot it in if it's a freethrow, usually "poke, poke, poke then in" haha nah, i'm just joking here. hey! who said that! jokes are not half-meant grrrrrrrrr!

i read somewhere that the average pinoy size is 4.5" and that the longest by average are that of the arabs. "hooray!" said the camels... (ooh, thats a bad joke, sorry Osama) and risking my personal safety here, if a guy tells you he's 7",i say bawasan mo ng 2 to 2.5" and that's it. guys are not scared of lying about their size, how would you verify it nga naman unless you go with him sa biglang liko or if you actually frisk him up and if you found out that he's a 4-incher, no matter, nandun na kayo e hehe in case you're wondering, mine is 58,962 devided by 98 minus 548 devided by 10 plus 0.63  do the math and that's the real me, no bullshit :) i heard this from someone that you can measure a guy's size by looking at his ears, measure them horizontally from ear to ear. but i haven't verified that theory yet hehe maybe that's why some girls and "girls" stare at a cutie guy's face. but this, i've personally tested, measure the pointy finger from the tip to the middle of the palm (no cheating)... it's not scientifically studied yet but its something fun to do when you're tired of holding hands with your guy. ladies, you can now have your revenge whenever guys stare at your boobies, tell them that you're staring at their hands too... the size of the feet? i dunno, that method of measuring is kinda rocky for me.

A female collegue, who is unwise in the ways of the world, asked me last week why guys dickies, errokay, penises are hard in the wee hours of the morning, I just tell her that its the way things go. We guys are not complaining about it. And I think the ladies dont mind also. Why is it, she continues, that guys penises are either bent leftward or right or some upward? (for a girl who claims shes still innocent, she do ask and knows a lot hmmmm) I told her that its that way bacause of how the guy strokes his dog. If hes right handed, his penis are left-bent, if his left handed, to the right and if hes wise enuff, hel masturbate in such a way that his dick will be bent upward because I read somewhere that thats the best shape because as the guy slides in and out in a missionary position, his upward-bent georgie is rubbing against the girls g-spot, which, needless to say, is heaven, dont you think ladies? The worst shape the article say, are the straight-shaped Daguls.

And let me end this one by telling you this joke i read.

a US soldier is interviewing an Arab guy.
Soldier: Name?
Arab : Mohammed
Soldier : Sex?
Arab : Yes
Soldier : err-- i mean boy or girl?
Arab : Yes and sometimes camels too...
**acheecheee...**
(Arab guy doing the tito, vic and joey shuffle after the punchline)

undies with little daisies

i had a really nice Kodak Moment kanina (meaning accidentally nakaboso nyekhekhek).

Inside a jeepney, there was this mildly-cute Rustan’s saleslady in a really mini-me mini skirt sitting in front of me. I have a good view of her off-white undies with  prints of little blue-pink-yellow daisies. It wasn’t a glimpse-like view, it was THERE! Right in front of my eyes. Hey, what’s a guy supposed to do, right? I was wearing my shades so I was able to look at the “scenery” as much as I want. I could have stayed there and enjoy the lush landscape of little daisies but as most good things don’t last, I had to get off at my stop. Gaddamitkadit, where’s a traffic jam when you need one?

As I sit here in front of the computer, thinking about the “garden”, it made me do something. Nope, not that, that’s for later in the safety of my bedroom hehehe What I did was think, muni-muni. While browsing at some Myspace profiles, I noticed kasi some scantly-dressed ladies in different stages of undress as their profile picture. They will then state that they are not what the viewers think, not because they show some skin mean their horny bad girls.

While that is absolutely true, these girls shouldn’t get offended if some hapless guy Myspacer hit on them. The guy might say “hey, nice butt you have there. wanna go for an SEB?” to a girl with a profile pict of her in tong undies. While that invitation will get the guy no where near her tongs, the girl shouldn’t go ballistic and reply with “fuck off pervert!”. She should just ignore the message. You can’t blame the guy for lusting at your butts or breasts that you’re proudly showing and barely hiding.  I’m sorry to say this but showing off that much skin is like an invitation for us monkeys to think and do things that I think nature programmed us to do. It’s just a natural response to a stimilus. What would you think if you see a guy’s Myspace showing him in his bulging briefs but saying he’s a nice guy after all?

And besides, you’re showing it, we guys sometimes just can’t help ourselves. What’s a guy suppose to do, right? Hubba-hubba :)

**********

disclaimer : ang larawan sa taas ay napulot ko lang sa internet and not a product of my own pervertness :)

masturbation

the topic is masturbation. I was about to put here a definition of the word but what the hell, we all know what it is. Needless to say, men do it all the time. It was said that 9 out of 10 guys admitted they masturbate. The other one who said he didn’t, later retracted his statement when he was caught…

masturbating...

to pictures of Chuck Norris.

Why do men masturbate? Even if the guy is married or has two or more regular “sexmates”, he still does it. Usually before going to bed or in the morning, whenever there is an urge and an opportunity to do so. Some do it more often than others. Why?  Well, it’s just in our system. We were doing it since the time we first had a hard on, the time when we first see girls as a thing of beauty. Hell, even two year old boys can be seen playing with their dickies, although I don’t think their doing it out of kalibugan, except maybe for Chuck Norris when he was a kid.

Now that I’ve established that, with girls… uhmmm… they don’t do it. Ewwww… kadiri to death. They still prefer to do it with someone, guy or girl. They are not a horny specie. They just don’t feel like it. Besides, it’s a sin. Momma always says that girls who masturbate go to hell.

Or do you? Hell yeah. Don’t lie. Women masturbate, admit it. We guys know you do it, too hehehe Well, some of you girls might ‘fess up but most chicks wont, even if their lives depend on it. I won’t speak for the rest of the guys, but I won’t mind if my girl masturbates whenever she feels like to. Especially since we’re far apart right now. Better than she looking for a guy to do it with. It just feels good rubbing your own clits, rolling your nipples around your fingers, feeling the wetness from within, your hips in a rhythmic gyration, you biting your lips… uhmmmnnn… Repeat after me : “Masarap eh.”

Last thing, if you wore a really sexy dress yesterday, bet on it, ten guys are masturbating to it right now.

lips are made for blowing

i don’t know about you guys but I have this weird habit of looking at girls’ lips. What is weird about that? Well, it’s because I don’t just look at ‘em, I also imagine those lips giving head, doing a blow job, tsumutsupa. And I do not know anyone, boy or girl, who have that same habit.

If you’re a pretty girl, chances are, I’ve already imagined how your lips would look like if you’re giving head. BUT I don’t mean to disrespect you because, come on, almost every girl is doing it or will do it in the near future. Even you, yes, you who just said “ewwwww…” Trust me, you’ll do it too. And when you are licking and sucking your first dick, I hope you remember me hahaha…

When I was a kid, I accidentally saw my Mom giving head to my Dad when I suddenly barge into their room. I should have knocked first, they should have locked their room. I’m telling you, that was really a very traumatic experience and up until now, I always knock first before entering a room. Children shouldn’t, for the love of everything good and decent, shouldn’t see their parents romping in bed. Ever.

But why do guys love being sucked? Ladies love/like it because it gives pleasure to their guy. Girls love it when their men are happy, and they get turned on in the process. Girls are suckers for that (haha pun intended) But why do we guys love it? What’s so sarap about inserting your dick into a place where, one wrong move, it might get bitten? Worse, chomped off? In the classic guy answer : “masarap eh” Simply that, masarap kasi.

A mouth is something all of us really value most. I mean you wouldn’t put just about anything inside your mouth, right? You choose what you put inside it. It has to be something really nice, yummy and/or essential. But then a girl will swallow something as crude and ugly-looking as a guy’s patutoy. THAT is why we guys love it. Aside from the kiliti factor caused by the tongue and lips and the init-factor caused by the inside of the mouth, we get high with the notion that you girls will put our dicks inside your lovely mouths. Our dick-skin on your soft baby lips. We wouldn’t put our dick inside our own mouth, even if we can (well, kamtotinkopit, some guys might do it if they can hehe). Nakakadiri kaya yun but girls will do it anyway. Kaya, wow, ang sarap ng feeling. It just proves that you wanted to please us.

I came across this phrase which captures the whole concept of blow jobs. It was from an erotic story some guy-who-have-nothing-better-to-do-in-his-spare-time wrote. The girl in his story, as she was waiting for the guy to put his dick inside her mouth, said “sige, kantutin mo ako sa bibig. Fuck me in the mouth… Oohhh…”

Classic! :)